It doesn’t take a lot to panic me nowadays.
My husband was working, on a Saturday. It turns out I can just about keep sane 5 days in a row, but that 6th day and I go completely nuts.
It started out well, Issy played upstairs until 11am whilst Alfie and I slept. Then he woke and all went a bit kooky.
I was casually scrolling through Facebook when a post about Christmas presents budgets came up. I then started thinking … I don’t even know what we’re going to get the kids yet.
What is our budget? It certainly can’t be some of the high numbers being chucked around on this post!
We did £100 each last year but as they didn’t have a main present each it ended up being a lot of stuff they haven’t wanted to keep.
I started to feel overwhelmed. Where are we going to put more toys? We’re going to have to get rid of some.
Next thing I know I’ve got the kids filling up black bags and a few Asda crates from when the delivery guy just left our order outside our front door!
It was only the other day and I already can’t remember what we kept and what was given away.
I tried to make it fun, explain we were giving their toys to be sold to other little girls and boys, so the money can help poorly people.
But inside I was jumbled.
My heart thumbing in my chest. I wasn’t able to keep still for even a minute.
Once the playroom was pretty clear, we moved to the shed where I decided the huge box of clothes that don’t quite fit Issy anymore should go…along with the clothes we have in larger sizes for when Alfie is bigger.
I don’t know why but I needed to get rid now. I needed that space.
Once we’d heaved four black bags and a large storage container of clothes to the charity shop a few doors down I felt relief.
Then I started to think about Christmas presents again.
Before I knew it I had agreed to buy second hand bikes for each of them on a selling site, had downloaded my Christmas organiser app and decided what to buy everyone on my list and obviously budgeted accordingly.
My thoughts went into overdrive. I’ve looked back at my messages and I contacted over 30 different people, messaging about their bike sales post in just under 30 minutes. I knew I could type fast but jeez. I couldn’t stop myself. I was jittery.
I felt like I was moving, tapping, constantly. Nails bitten to the point that the skin around the sides bled. My hair greasy from rubbing my hands through it goodness knows how many times. Sweating. Hot flushes. I tried to focus my breathing and calm down.
I was so focused on my task that I left the kids to it. I heard shouts from Issy and discovered she had done a pee in the potty (brilliant) but Alfie was now splashing it about everywhere! I shouted no and stop but he wouldn’t listen. It was like I wasn’t even there. I flipped in an instant. I snapped and took him to his bedroom. It was 6.15 and he hadn’t napped so I decided he could just go to bed.
I crawled into bed and cried.
Oh hello crash, I thought you’d be showing your face soon.
At least I’m now sorted for Christmas…in July…