How to support your loved one with PND
Having PND can change a womans life, but we sometimes forget that it also changes the life of their partner, family and friends.
It can be extremely distressing for the loved ones in a mothers life to see them struggling. We all know most men like to ‘fix’ things, so when they are in a situation which cannot be fixed, this can be a very frustrating time for us all. When everyone just wants to be happy at the new arrival, a mothers sadness can be confusing and upsetting to see.
Here are my Top Ten tips on how to support your loved one with PND. . .
Do some research
In order to help and support your loved one through this difficult time, you have to understand exactly what she is going through. Know the facts, read about others experiences. I personally recommend PANDAS Foundation and MIND, you could also check out my experiences in my ‘Where it all began…’ series 😉
Put yourself in her shoes
To do this, I like to use thesaurus.com. If she says she is tired, search tired. What does it feel like to be tired? Exhausted, drained, frustrated. Read into what she is saying.
Encourage her to seek professional help
Let her know it is okay to seek help. Be there for her, drive her to the appointment. Look after the baby in the waiting room so she can truly express herself without the baby there to distract her. Help her seek talking therapies, and support her should she decide to start medication.
Understand that it will take time
There will be good days and bad days. Remember that a good day does not mean she is cured.
Help her find her tribe
It can be so difficult to get out of the house in those early days, but also so important. As tempting as it is to spend any paternity leave you have as your new little family, encourage her to get out. Take her to a baby and toddler group, even if you only drive her there and back. She will need the support of those Mums once you return to work.
Sit down and listen
It might be annoying to come home from a long day at work and yesterdays dishes are still piled by the sink. Try to ignore them. First, sit down and actually ask how her day was. Praise her on something she has done (even if that is just getting the kids dressed and out of the house!)
Build a team
Talk to her friends and both of your families. Help them understand too and ask for their help. Don’t take shame in having her Mum clean the kitchen or your Dad mow the lawn. Accept their assistance and focus on your loved one. An untidy home can lead to further anxiety, stress and paranoia.
Make time to attend therapy with her
If she wants you to, why not ask and find out? Attending a therapy session does not mean you are having issues with each other. Sometimes it is helpful to fully understand what she is actually going through. Listen, learn, and it will only make your relationship stronger.
Encourage self care
Look after the baby whilst she does something for her; whether she ventures out for a walk, goes to the gym or meets with friends. If she is not yet ready to leave the baby, suggest a girls night in or even a long, hot, bubble bath or an afternoon nap could help her mood.
Look after yourself
It can be exhausting to support a loved one with mental health issues. Take time out for you, whether that’s a trip to the gym, a round of golf or a beer with friends. In order to look after your loved one, you also need to look after yourself.