LAUGH OUT LOUD

I love a good joke, the sillier the better!

Today’s prompt for #Blogtober17 is Joke, so I asked a mixture bloggers and friends alike to tell me their funniest joke, here I’ve listed my faves!

How do you make a sausage roll? …. Push it down a hill!

What kind of bee’s make milk? ….. BOOBIES! 

One snowman turns to another…”Do you smell carrots?” 

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? …. “Doyouthinkhesaurus?!” 

I went to the zoo once. It only had one dog. It was a ‘shih-tzu’!

What goes 99 bonk, 99 bonk? …. A centipede with a wooden leg!

What do you call a deer with no eyes? …. No idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? …. Still no idea!

Why can’t a car play football? … Because it only has one boot!

What do you call a sheep on a trampoline? …. A woolly jumper! 

What’s the fastest cake in the world? … Scone!

What do you call a three legged donkey? A wonkey!

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? … Just look for his Fresh Prints!

Do you want to hear the joke about the pizza? …. I wouldn’t! It’s too cheesy!

Why did the bald man stick his head out the window? …. To get some fresh ‘hair’!

If you think an onion is the only vegetable to make you cry…then you’ve never been hit in the head by a turnip!

Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? … Because they’re really good at it!

What do you do if a bird poo’s on your head? …. Finish with her!

And to finish…it’s long but worth it!

Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.

Jesus tees off first and his ball goes in the water; he walks across the top of the pond, dips his club in, chips the ball out and it goes in the hole.

Moses steps up next and his ball also goes in the water; he dips his club in the pond, the pond separates and he chips his ball off the pond bed and into the hole.

The old man then tees off and his ball is about to go in the water when a fish leaps out of the pond and catches the ball in its mouth. A bird then flies by and grabs the fish. As the bird flies over the green a bolt of lightening hits the bird, the bird drops the fish, the fish hits the green and the ball rolls out of its mouth into the hole.

Hole in one.

Jesus then looks at the old man and says, “Dad, if you’re going to piss around we won’t bother!”

Hope you got in a few giggles!

Let me know your funniest joke in the comments below!

 

#Blogtober17

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