You have been given a baby. An actual human being. A human being that for most of it’s day, is completely reliant on you. That human being is now going to be with you, pretty much 24/7.
So why do you feel so alone?
Motherhood can be so isolating. The first few weeks you live in a dazed little bubble. You have this new baby, most are lucky enough to receive lots of support from their partner, close family etc. Then all of a sudden they leave. That bubble bursts and it becomes just the two of you.
What are you supposed to do now?
You are told to go along to a Mum and Baby group, but the thought of walking into a room full of people terrifies you. So you stay at home, you might even get into a routine. Your baby is content, but you are bored out of your mind. Turns out babies aren’t that exciting.
You start googling what to do with a baby, and feel Google laughing back at you. You try tummy time and the baby screams. You try singing and feel like a dick for singing nursery rhymes to a baby that obviously doesn’t give a shit.
Or maybe you do pluck up the courage to go to a Mum and Baby group. You walk in and sit down. Everyone else already knows each other. They try to welcome you. But someone is telling a story and you don’t know the back story and are too scared to ask so just sit staring at your baby, thinking of something interesting to say. By the time you have built up enough confidence to say something, the topic of conversation has changed.
You take the baby for a walk in the pram. You walk to the park, then realise that your baby is too young to actually play with anything. So you sit on a bench and watch everyone else interacting. Wondering how everyone else does it. You start day dreaming. If only you had the confidence to go and say Hi to that other Mum. You play the conversation in your head over and over. You’re probably muttering to yourself out loud. You decide to just go for it, look up and she has already gone. Hmm, maybe next time.
But one day someone will find you.
Whether it’s at the Mum and Baby group that you push yourself to go to each week, despite hating it. Or you bump into someone you used to go to school with but lost touch. Or you connect with someone online.
Someone will find you.
And maybe it won’t be so scary anymore. It just takes one person to make the change.
It may not get easier, but at least you won’t feel so alone.
At least you’ll be struggling through motherhood together.